What Relationship Science Tells Us About Loneliness and Intimacy | Dr. Harry Reis

Given a chance to talk to your pre-adolescent self, what would you say to them considering all the information you have now?

In today’s show, Traci will be having a hearty conversation with Dr. Reis on loneliness, connection, and intimacy. This episode has nuggets of wisdom based on science for us all to take home.

Dr. Reis is a professor of psychology and Dean’s professor in art sciences and engineering. His research interests involve social interaction and close relationships. He studies the factors that influence our social interaction’s quality and closeness and the consequences of different socializing patterns for our health and psychological well-being. In his research, subjects keep detailed records of their ongoing social interaction. He tabulates them by computer, related to other various factors such as their sexual health and emotional well-being. He is an expert on loneliness and shares the findings of some of his research.

You can’t afford not to love this episode.

Episode Milestones

[02:45] Dr. Reis’s background and why he started research on intimacy and loneliness

[05:50] What would Dr. Reis say to his pre-adolescent self?

[07:11] What has surprised Dr. Reis the most in his study?

[08:33] Active listening as a skill

[10:49] Couple’s theories that excite Dr. Reis the most?

[12:34] What is loneliness, and where does it come from?

[19:01] Is loneliness getting worse, or are we tracking it more now?

[29:24] How can active listening be used to solve loneliness?

[33:26] Dr. Reis’s wish

Resources mentioned:

New York University

Standout Quotes:

• “I like to think about cell phones as fast food. If you’re hungry, and you go get yourself a Big Mac, you won’t be hungry, at least for a little while. But what you’re eating is not nutritious.” [20:47]
• “I don’t want people to get the idea that we’re saying that the way to avoid loneliness is to have deep, meaningful conversations all the time.” [24:31]
• “When you pay attention to what another person is saying, you can get insight into them. And interestingly enough, that makes it easy. For people to feel like the other person is paying attention to them.” [29:48]

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