Sidewalk Talk

On The Power Of Our Words and How We Speak To Ourselves & Others | Nana Churcher

Standout Quotes:

All of us have something to give to the world.  There is greatness in you. 

Our attention is so divided and that hurts me.

I believe each and every one of us have greatness but sometimes we need others to remind us to help bring it out in us.

Biography:

An influential voice in today's culture, she is regularly invited to inspire and motivate various women groups and conferences in the UK and Africa.

Nana has been nominated Best Media Personality by Women4Africa Awards, and her Talk Show was nominated Favourite Talk Show led by a woman by Screen Nation Awards in the UK.

Nana has also been to BET Experience to interview all international artists in LA.

Nana believes there is greatness in each and everyone of us. And dreams come true if you don't quit. Her catch phrase is "see you at the top."

Nana is a wife and a mother of four. She resides in London.

Nana is the model of walking around the world with an open heart.  She is so interested in connecting that she finds her way to her award-winning show. Would she have met a videographer from Afghanistan if she hadn't been asking about someone's day?  Would she find her way to professional footballers if she wasn't a natural connector.  

Listen as you hear how she sees her show as an opportunity to bring the greatness out of people. She has a gift of getting people to open up. Listen, as she unearths why people open up to her.

"I make people feel important, no matter who they are.  I give them all of my attention and presence."

Her ability to be genuine and totally present allows two spirits to connect.  When she talks, you can hear that even in her talking, she is connecting.

We are so excited to bring you Nana Churcher's story.  You can find out about Nana's book and show.

The Nana Churcher Show on YouTube Here.

Nana's Book, The Power of Your Word Here.

 

 

 

Rebecca Wong Interviewing Traci Ruble on What She Has Learned Listening On the Sidewalk

Standout Quotes:

They see my whole mess and they love me anyway. (Traci Ruble)

My heart is never wrong.  It's just getting in there that is the challenge. (Traci Ruble)

Boundaries are about finding that balance between connection and protection. (Rebecca Wong)

Rebecca Wong's spirit and her way of being are so audible in the way she speaks, breaths, takes long pauses to take in an interaction fully, and to let connection drive how she relates. I am thrilled you get to meet her here. I hope you will join me in listening to one of my favorite podcasts, up for an award.  Find Rebecca's therapy work and her podcast at Connectfulness. 

Biography: Rebecca Wong

All of my life, I’ve been fascinated by what it means to be human together.

This has driven me deep into the study of art, film and storytelling, experiential learning, relationships, sexuality, the human reproductive life cycle, the transmission of intergenerational trauma, parenthood, attachment, loss and human behavior, and performance. And the same drive has guided me to deepen my professional studies into Relational Life and Sex Therapy. My experiential teaching style draws from a range of leadership experiences over the past decades ranging from Wilderness Field Instructor to TMI Project Workshop Facilitator.

I admire Rebecca so much even though we have never seen each other in real life. I consider her a wise sage who has balanced challenging the status quo with grace and artistry few have matched, imho.  While out wandering through the woods, I had a thought.  "Maybe I should talk about why I am doing this podcast on the podcast."  But I want to be "in discovery" and "in connection" - not rehearsed.

As I listen to my own words here, I can hear how internal I am.  But what is more, you can hear how being 'in connection' as Rebecca does so well, allows you to go deeper.  Rebecca captures the essence of my heart and I learned about myself and for that, I am so grateful to get to be in dialogue with her.  

You can find more out about Rebecca on her website here.

Dr. Marc Brackett On Feeling and Expressing Emotions To Be Healthier

Stand Out Quotes:

We, as adults, have to take responsibility for teaching kids emotional skills. Children who know how to use their feelings wisely are healthier, happier and they are better learners.

We have to give the people we care about permission to feel and express all of their emotions.  Emotions are data to help us make better choices in life.

We all overestimate our ability to read another person's feelings.

Biography:

Marc Brackett, Ph.D., is founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and professor in the Child Study Center, Yale School of Medicine at Yale University. His grant-funded research focuses on: (1) the role of emotions and emotional intelligence in learning, decision making, creativity, relationship quality, and mental health; (2) the measurement of emotional intelligence; and (3) the influences of emotional intelligence training on children’s and adults’ health, performance, and workplace performance and climate. Marc has published 125 scholarly articles and has received numerous awards, including the Joseph E. Zins Award for his research on social and emotional learning and an honorary doctorate from Manhattanville College. He also is a distinguished scientist on the National Commission on Social, Emotional, and Academic Development and on the board of directors for the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL).

Marc is the lead developer of RULER, a systemic, evidence-based approach to social and emotional learning that has been adopted by over 2,000 public, charter, and private pre-school through high schools across the United States and in other countries, including Australia, China, England, Italy, Mexico, and Spain. RULER infuses social and emotion learning into the immune system of schools by enhancing how school administrators lead, educators teach, students learn, and families parent. Research shows that RULER boosts academic performance, decreases school problems like bullying, enriches classroom climates, reduces teacher stress and burnout, and enhances teacher instructional practices. Marc is the author of Permission to Feel (Celadon/Macmillan), which will be released in September of 2019.

Show Notes:

In this episode, Dr. Brackett is committed to teaching emotional intelligence as you can hear it deeply touches his own personal story of being bullied in school.  He does not create a cheesy "fix it all" mentality to teaching emotional intelligence.  Instead, his work is thoughtful, research-backed, and he is calling us all in to do better in understanding our own feelings so we can then understand the feelings of others.

What makes Marc unique is his own willingness to share his vulnerable story, to challenge institutions with grace, and his understanding of social injustices that may not afford some kids and schools the support they need to teach emotional intelligence.

Follow along as you learn about Ruler.  And apply it in your own life. This is definitely a book you will want to get and share with your kids, colleagues at work, and in any workplace where you currently live.  We need to give each other permission to feel and stop sending the "get over it" or "quit being so emotional" message that is deeply harmful to us humans.

Leading Sidewalk Talk in Kathmandu, Nepal with Dr. Narendra Thagunna

Standout Quotes:

• We need to sit out and listen for four hours in Katmandu because we get a long queue of people waiting to talk and we want to make sure everyone gets heard.
• Nepal is a very welcoming and friendly society but we still suffer from the same mental illness rates as much of the world.  Sidewalk Talk is helping make therapists visible in the community.
• Traci, Sidewalk Talk has become so valued, we are looking to bring this to four other cities in Nepal. 

 

Dr. Narendra Thagunna is an advocate for suicide awareness and cross-cultural psychology in Nepal.  He teaches and runs a research foundation called Psychdesk.

Sidewalk Talk has become a way to make therapy and sharing what is really on someone’s mind a normal part of life in Dr. Thagunna’s city.  In fact, when Sidewalk Talk listeners in Katmandu, all therapists, sit on the sidewalk, they are still offering the same “non-therapeutic listening” but often it becomes a gateway for people to feel comfortable going to the clinic for a second visit if they need it.  The community now sees that these therapists are people just like them by being out on the street.

There are big hopes to take Sidewalk Talk up on their community grant program that will supply four more chapters with the tools they need to start a Sidewalk Talk in other parts of Nepal.

 

This is where you come in.  Today is #GivingTuesday. We need 100 people to raise their hand and say “YES! I know this connecting work is the thing that is going to make a real difference in healing all the divides that make people, our communities, our politics, and our planet well.”

 

Will you be one of the 100 to invest monthly in Sidewalk Talk to sustain Dr. Thangunna’s work and all the other chapters around the world?  

Heart-Centered Listening Makes Us More Compassionate than Mindfulness Alone | Dr. Tania Singer

Stand Out Quotes:

• Mindfulness in the west has been reduced to mind training to help us to be more efficient but mindfulness was designed to reduce suffering in the world.
• Altruism and social stress only shift if you do relation based practices.
• Fear of not being good enough is ingrained in our culture now so if we can increase care motivation and judge ourselves and others less we could potentially cure social diseases like depression and loneliness.

Dr. Tania Singer is one of the foremost researchers in the world on compassion. She hails from the Max Planck Institute in Berlin, Germany.  See her info here.  

She set up a very specific experiment that allowed people to practice "contemplative dyads" where a listener and speaker come together to operate in a kind of meditative listening in connection.  

She tested three different styles of dyads or pair work.  Her findings are stunning. 

Just attention based mindfulness does not create any reduction in cortisol stress after three months but an interpersonal practice leads to a 50% reduction in cortisol stress.  HUGE! HUGE! 

Ever wondered if what we do at Sidewalk Talk directly impacts the world?  HERE IS THE PROOF!

Dr. Singer has been a mindfulness practitioner for many years.  And she took up a topic of research that, at the time she began, was not cool, and certainly there were not many women doing research as a neuropsychologist at her institute. I hope we can have her on again to talk about the challenges of leading while female. I am looking forward to more work collaborations with Dr. Tania Singer.  

​And please listen to this interview all the way through the end to hear the very special message Dr. Tania Singer offers to Sidewalk Talk listeners the world over.
Please check out Compassion-Training.org. 

Connecting Beyond the Mask with Young Men in Oakland

Stand out quotes:

I am not doing things to hurt my students when  I am firm with them… I am loving them by being firm with them.

When we are in a mentor-led circle…I want to let the wisdom of the circle come forward.  I am here to listen. 

When my kids are not being saved  then I am going to feel like something is wrong with me or something is wrong with you for not being willing to be saved.  I have to surrender.  My job is not to fix the broken.  My job is to say “hey, what do you need”.

Do you want to hear someone who knows how to be real and connect?  Ashanti Branch was raised by a single mom on welfare in Oakland, CA.  A fateful day, a teacher broke through to him and changed his life and he went on to one of the most prestigious engineering schools.  

Yeah, he likes math.  If that wasn't enough to admire the guy for excelling at a subject most of us dread...he was making oodles of money and he left it all!

He went back to become a teacher and impact lives... only...it did not go well and he wasn't reaching his kids.  Can you imagine what that would be like?  To give up your career only to realize "Maybe I am not cut out for this?"

He didn't give up though. Instead, he listened.

This is a story of youth and teaching but if you lead ANYTHING, big or small, Ashanti is also teaching us how to be an equitable, caring, humble, yet strong leader. Leadership requires the ability to listen.

From Fullbright Fellowship, Rotary Fellowship to Teacher of the Year, you won't want to miss the magic that is this human being and clarity that oozes from him.  

He is the founder and executive director of the Ever Forward Club that was the subject of the documentary film, The Mask You Live In.

 

Leading Sidewalk Talk in Newcastle UK with Heather Monro

Stand Out Quotes From This Episode

We can become more than who we are through our connection with others.

Being in connection with people who were very different than me was almost safer than with people like me because I didn't have to be like them.

At the root of the climate crisis is the growth economy which at its roots are the need to be seen. 

Heather Monro is a leadership coach, a former athlete, and a parent.  She is a self-described passionate student of human connection. You can learn about her work at Bright Space Thinking.

She has always found great personal meaning through her connections as a young girl so this idea of leading a Sidewalk Talk chapter was in her DNA.

Hear about Heather's fears of being rejected on the sidewalk before her very first listening event.

None of those fears came true.  

Instead, what surprised her, is that being in connection with people who are different felt really good because she was liberated from judgment.

Heather learns more about herself, but she gets a sense of being seen as a whole human being at the same time that she is listening.  

Sidewalk Talk really challenges Heather's biases and social conditioning. 

If you are moved by Heather's work and the work of Sidewalk Talk, consider investing monthly in Sidewalk Talk so we can keep our impact alive. 

You can invest your time or your dollars monthly and become one of us.  

On Dec 3, for #GivingTuesday, we are looking for 100 monthly investors. Learn more here.

 

 

 

Leading Sidewalk Talk in Washington DC with Esther Boykin

Stand Out Quotes

• I think therapists need to be more visible outside their offices and be seen as accessible warm people.
• We forget how important belonging is to almost every aspect of our wellness.
• Part of how we define who we are in the world is through our connection to other people.

Esther Boykin was the very first city leader outside of California to bring listening to her community. Sidewalk Talk turned into an organization, if you really think about it, because of Esther nudging Traci to bring Sidewalk Talk out to the East Coast.  

 

Esther is a psychotherapist, a group practice owner, leads Sidewalk Talk in the DC area, as well as runs a project called “Therapy is Not A Dirty Word”.

 

She listens because she believes love needs to be the centerpiece of her community and at the root for her, sitting out on the sidewalk and offering to listen to members of her community is the way to make that happen.

 

Listening on the sidewalk is unique because unlike therapy, you don’t self-select who you are going to listen to based on a person’s background, religious beliefs, and political stance.  Esther believes that is important because we can get caught in political conversations or policy conversations and forget that there are real people with real stories that we have to hear to really do right by people.

 

Part of why Esther became a therapist is because she believes our wellness is tied to our connection with one another and when we can broaden those connections the better we become.

 

If you want to support more leaders like Esther bringing love and connection back to the world, consider becoming a monthly investor in Sidewalk Talk.  It is #GivingTuesday on December 3 and we need 100 monthly investors to sustain the impact of Sidewalk Talk across 92 locations and 15 countries in 2020.  Find out more here.

And you can learn more about Esther Boykin and her work at Therapy Is Not A Dirty Word, Esther Boykin, and Group Therapy Associates.

The Healing Journey of a Vietnam Combat Veteran

Stand Out Quotes 

• Once you label someone with a disorder you create a greater sense of aloneness.  I have relabeled PTSD to stand for Past Trauma Stated Differently. 
• Veterans do not believe they are the ones that are broken, society is.
• Veterans take meaning from their mission.  When you take that away from them, society does not make sense to them.

Note: There are pieces of this episode that may be triggering for current and former veterans and those who have experienced trauma.  Practice self-care and open-hearted curiosity in your listening, as you hear Gary's story.

The US Veteran experience is one many of us feel heartache about.  We see homeless veterans on the sidewalks or living on the streets. Seven percent of the US population are veterans.  Seventy-five percent of those served during wartime.  Twenty-two US Veterans die by suicide every day. 22!

Hear Gary describe his experience of healing from the trauma not only from his young life, but the wounds he took with him into the Vietnam War when he was just 19 years old.

He has been homeless three times and feels comfortable on the street, sometimes more so than with “society”. He describes a sense of freedom.

Gary pulled himself up using unconventional healing practices and now has founded a non-profit and training program for veterans.  You can learn more about Gary and his work at  www.agooddaytodie.com and www.pathwaysforveterans.com.

If you are a veteran, we thank you for your service.  For the life-altering and reality twisting sacrifice, you have made to serve the US. We hope that by hearing Gary’s story, we can open ourselves to honor your story.  

If you need extra support after hearing this episode see this great page of resources for vets struggling with suicide or homelessness or call the Veterans Crisis Line at  1-800-273-8255 #1.

How To Be Resilient In Our Connections

Standout Quotes from this Episode:

In order to grow more resilient, we need to take useful experiences fully in, so they move from a shift in a state to a shift in a trait. 

To enter into the depths of we, we have to have a healthy sense of me, of my own rights, autonomy, rights to disengage if I need to.  Intimacy is not at odds with autonomy.

There is a real distinction between solitude and loneliness.  Loneliness carries as many risks for health...

Rick Hanson, Ph.D., is a psychologist, senior fellow of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, and New York Times best-selling author. His books are available in 26 languages and include Resilient, Hardwiring Happiness, Buddha's Brain, Just One Thing, and Mother Nurture.

Today Traci and Rick have such a sweet connection and exploration together as they discuss how to be a resilient connector even if you are an introvert.  If you want to find out more about Rick please visit his website to find his podcast and online courses here which we highly get behind.

What Dr. Hanson wants us all to be able to do in this life is to show up and face challenges, experience our vulnerabilities, and use our resources more fully.  One of the ways that happen is to learn how to work with ourselves to amplify useful experiences so they help us develop an unshakeable core, no matter what is happening inside or around us.

Rick talked with Traci about how to be resilient while listening on the sidewalk.  And Traci got to explore with Rick where she has more work to do.

I am an introvert.  I don’t need a connection.

Traci engaged Rick about the idea of introversion.  She has heard from many followers of Sidewalk Talk that because they are an introvert, they do not need the kind of connection that Sidewalk Talk offers.  

Rick weighs in by offering that “ I am a friendly introvert.  There is a real distinction between solitude and loneliness.  Loneliness carries as many risks for health as cigarette smoking. People are social animals.  Certainly, in childhood, it is necessary and important for everyone to feel received in some fundamental way.  John Wellwood, in his work, shared the ideology of self-reliance or spiritual bypass where we withdraw from contact bc it is stirring and we would rather preserve distance.  We would prefer no demand, no obligation.”

In our modern times, we must reclaim our nature and engage people eye to eye.  We are called to be strong and engage in practices that expand our ability to be free and widen our ability to experience.

When Rick asked Joseph Goldstein from the Insight Meditation Society “If you could nominate a practice for a critical mass of people to do on the planet every day what would it be?”

Joseph Goldstein said, “I would have them spend 5 minutes a day listening to another person without any judgments.” 

To give others the gift and profound blessing for feeling felt.