In a world that loves to talk, do, achieve, promote, preach, sell....what does it mean to connect, be, and listen. A podcast about #humanconnection #mentalhealth #socialhealth #empathy #belonging and #loneliness. And always thinking about justice and inclusion in all things. Join us. And share far and wide. Or start your own chapter of Sidewalk Talk in your community. www.sidewalk-talk.org
Episodes
7 days ago
7 days ago
Episode Summary:
What if learning to collaborate with people you don’t trust—or even like—wasn’t revolutionary, but just healthy adulting?
In this episode of The Sidewalk Talk Podcast, Traci Ruble sits down with renowned facilitator and author Adam Kahane, known for guiding some of the world’s most complex social change efforts. Drawing from his influential books Power and Love and Collaborating with the Enemy, Adam invites us to rethink what it means to stay in dialogue across difference.
From attachment theory to political polarization, this conversation unpacks why radical engagement, abiding presence, and cohabitating with difference are essential relational muscles for our time. Adam also shares stories from the field and reminds us why walking and talking might be more powerful than we think.
If you’ve ever wondered how to work with people you disagree with—without giving up your integrity—this conversation is for you.
Timestamps:
00:00 – Welcome to Sidewalk Talk
01:07 – Meet Adam Kahane: Global facilitator, author, bridge-builder
04:13 – Adam’s surprising journey into conflict transformation
06:34 – Talking, listening, and the root of human connection
09:12 – What it takes to facilitate across divides
15:04 – Why connection is more powerful than persuasion
17:18 – Walking + talking = underrated healing tools
22:52 – Growth through pauses and discomfort
23:38 – The overlooked wisdom of cohabitation
25:38 – Adulting 101: Working with people we disagree with
27:18 – The dance between conflict and care
28:07 – “Abiding” and staying with the tension
29:39 – Attachment theory, differentiation, and dialogue
30:48 – Power, love, justice—and learning to hold all three
33:10 – What gets in the way of true collaboration
42:55 – Why radical engagement is the future
Wednesday Jun 11, 2025
Wednesday Jun 11, 2025
In this heartfelt conversation, Traci Ruble, founder of Sidewalk Talk, sits down with John Sarrouf, co-executive director of Essential Partners, to explore the deeper threads of human connection and the transformative power of dialogue across our differences. Together, they delve into what it truly takes to create genuinely safe spaces where conversations don’t just happen—they flourish. With over two decades of experience facilitating courageous dialogues and mediating complex conflicts, John generously shares insights on how deep and authentic listening can heal societal divides and enrich personal relationships. Tune in for practical, soulful strategies to engage in conversations that open hearts, expand understanding, and remind us of our shared humanity.
Essential Partners has been at the forefront of bridging divides for over 35 years. They offer trainings, free dialogue guidebooks, and workshops focused on listening across political divides, racial divides, conversations around the war in the Middle East, and more.
John Sarrouf is co-executive director at Essential Partners, helping people talk about tough topics—and stay connected while doing it. Over two decades, he's skillfully guided dialogues around the role of guns in American life, police and the Black community, Israel-Palestine, Muslim-Jewish interfaith relations, human sexuality in the Christian church, and racial and ethnic diversity. John has supported independent dialogue programs at universities, museums, and civic groups across the U.S., sparking meaningful conversations nationwide.
With a master's in dispute resolution from UMass Boston, John co-founded the Peace and Conflict Studies program at Gordon College and teaches reconciliation at the European Center for the Study of War and Peace in Zagreb, Croatia.
Episode Timeline
00:00 Welcome to Sidewalk Talk
00:47 Meet John Sarrouf of Essential Partners
04:56 Unpacking Assumptions in Conflict
09:39 Vigilance and the Cost of Polarization
12:54 How to Create Authentic Connections
17:00 Inside the Essential Partners Dialogue
22:13 Reflecting Together on Shared Wisdom
22:29 Humanizing Each Other Through Dialogue
22:59 Embracing Complexity in Conflict
24:03 Why Feeling Seen Matters
24:39 How to Have Constructive Conversations
25:56 The Art of Generous Listening
33:57 Navigating Power with Sensitivity
38:23 Finding Hope in Reconciliation
40:25 Closing Reflections and Gratitude
Standout Quotes
- We make assumptions rather than asking questions and listening deeply to the answer. (John)
- I really wonder if this polarization and this threat thing is contributing massively to our loneliness. (Traci)
- … it does feel like we are in a time when sharing our full selves with people feels dangerous. (John)
- We may be political adversaries in this particular moment, but we have to be thinking of ourselves as neighbors. And I have to care what, what the impact is on you. (John)
- Despair is our common enemy. Despair will keep us from each other. And our only way through this moment is with the sense of hope that we can meet each other again. (John)
Connect:
Find | John Sarrouf
On Instagram: @essentialpartners
On YouTube: @essentialpartners
On Facebook: @essentialpartners
On LinkedIn: @JohnSarrouf
Find | Sidewalk Talk
On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg
On YouTube: @sidewalktalkorg
On Facebook: @Sidewalktalksf
On LinkedIn: @SidewalkTalkOrg
Find | Traci Ruble
On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT
On YouTube: @TraciRubleMFT
On Substack: @RelatingWell
On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT
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Wednesday Mar 26, 2025
Wednesday Mar 26, 2025
Cultivating Presence (with a Dash of Mischief): A Conversation with Mitch Davidowitz
In this episode, Traci Ruble, founder of Sidewalk Talk, sits down with longtime therapist and Vipassana practitioner Mitch Davidowitz to explore something that feels harder than ever: being present. Together, they wander into the heart of what it means to show up—truly and fully—for ourselves and others.
Mitch brings decades of wisdom wrapped in humility, humor, and a touch of rascal spirit. The two dig into the medicine of deep listening, the rebellious act of slowing down, and why love and compassion aren’t just soft concepts—they're radical practices in a fractured world.
This conversation is part invitation, part provocation: What if staying present is the real revolution? What if mischief is a doorway to wisdom? And what if, in this wild world, just being someone who cares deeply is a contribution worth being proud of?
About Mitch Davidowitz
Mitch Davidowitz, MSW, M.Ed, Ed.S. is a psychotherapist, writer, photographer and inspirational teacher known globally. His work is a confluence of his decades of intensive mindfulness training and being a clinician for the past 45 years. Mitch has trained healthcare and mental health professionals around the United States in the compassionate care of those facing loss since 1984. Mitch has appeared on radio and television to provide education about the challenges that mourners and those supporting them experience.
He is currently in private practice outside of Boston, Massachusetts seeing clients nationally and globally with a wide range of issues. His approach is diverse and deeply informed by his mindfulness training.
In addition to his clinical background, Mitch began intensive retreat practice in Vipassana meditation in 1974 with Anagarika Sujata. He continued these trainings extensively with Jack Kornfield, Joseph Goldstein and Sharon Salzberg. Baba Ram Dass was also one of his primary teachers.
Episode Timeline
00:00 Introduction to Sidewalk Talk
01:04 Meet Mitch Davidowitz: Therapist and Vipasana Practitioner
04:08 The Journey to Heart-Centeredness
08:05 Love, Compassion, and Advocacy
16:58 The Power of Discipline and Meditation
21:53 The Changing Landscape of Human Suffering
25:19 Rising Anxiety and Insecurity
26:24 Guilt and Happiness Amidst Suffering
27:49 The Power of Small Acts
29:30 Introducing Playfulness and Mischief
31:03 Therapeutic Approaches and Personal Growth
36:25 The Importance of Listening
38:53 Reflections and Future Plans
45:00 Closing Thoughts and Encouragement
Standout Quotes
- One can be very fierce and very strong from a place of empathy. (Mitch)
- It's not that I spend my days lighting candles and sticks of incense. It's not that we don't get annoyed. But we look and see what leads to well-being. What leads to contraction? What leads to openness and connectednes,s and what leads to estrangement?
- That doesn't mean not confronting people with things that are not right, you know?
- It's not indifference. But it's not reactivity.
- It takes a lot more strength and power to stand down and sit up and invite someone to share with you how they came to their thoughts and beliefs.
- Joseph Goldstein, one of my mindfulness teachers, said just assuming the position every day at the same time awakens those mind states that we're trying to cultivate.
- People are more afraid, people feel more vulnerable, and so what happens is that that is setting off and triggering other things that have happened that made them feel unsafe.
- We can't save the world, but we can save the moment. We can show up in a way that restores this sense of belief in each other, of the fundamental goodness of humanity. Even though there's so much darkness, we do need to remind each other about hope and restoring the belief that good people are here available.
- help bring down the suffering on the planet.
- I'm helping people not to take themselves so seriously.
- Carl Jung said, Know all the theories, master all the techniques, but when sitting with someone who's a human soul, just be another human soul.
Connect:
Find | Mitch Davidowitz
On LinkedIn: @MitchDavidowitz
Facebook @MitchDavidowitz
Find | Sidewalk Talk
On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg
On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg
On Facebook: @Sidewalktalksf
On LinkedIn: @SidewalkTalkOrg
Find | Traci Ruble
On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT
On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT
On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT
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Tuesday Feb 25, 2025
Tuesday Feb 25, 2025
In this episode of the Sidewalk Talk podcast, host and founder Traci Ruble speaks with Dr. Carol Xu, who holds a PhD in management science and engineering from Stanford University, about the intricacies of human connection. They explore Carol’s expertise in cross-cultural communication and management, her personal journey through burnout and depression, and the innovative practices she employs to foster creativity and resilience in organizations.
Their conversation covers a range of topics, from the impact of T-groups on interpersonal communication to the challenges of maintaining humanizing practices within organizational structures. Carol highlights the importance of grounding, intentional listening, and striking a balance between emergent strategies and structured plans to sustain meaningful connections—both personally and professionally.
Episode Timeline
- 00:00 Introduction to Sidewalk Talk
- 01:04 Revisiting Conversations: Tracy's Experience
- 01:28 Meet Carol Hsu: Cross-Cultural Communication Expert
- 05:52 Carol's Journey: From Academia to Burnout
- 09:24 The Importance of Human Connection in Organizations
- 14:08 Balancing Growth and Humanization in Organizations
- 20:31 Emergent Strategies and Human Awareness
- 26:32 Humanizing the Workplace
- 28:36 The Role of Power in Hierarchies
- 32:04 Understanding Liminal Space
- 35:22 Communication Dojo and T Groups
- 38:39 The Importance of Foundational Layer
- 45:46 Final Thoughts and Gratitude
Resources Mentioned
https://www.presentofwork.com/
https://www.presentofwork.com/relational-agility
Standout Quotes
- “ That humility is really important. Like sometimes just admit that. Hey, we don't know what we're doing.” (Carol)
- “ Once an organization is big enough, and then once it wants to control some things, and thenit starts a metric system and then it starts measuring people. Once you do that, people will tend to switch off their internal kind of sensibility and awareness, and then they try to fit that mode.” (Carol)
- “ Oftentimes what's easily measured is actually not the underlying thing you want. ” (Carol)
- “ The symbolism of that story is so fascinating. You're saying if we mechanize ourselves, we die.”(Traci)
- “Empower people to tap into, to really tap into the overlap between the personal and organizational. ” (Carol)
- “ In some ways, we have a tendency as humans to turn ourselves into a machine. We have a tendency to take things for granted. It doesn't matter if it's at the workplace or at the house, at the home front.” (Carol)
- “ Efficiency, has a place. However, it also can easily get abused. And I think in today's societies, a lot of places that doesn't really need a hierarchy, has hierarchy just because people don't really have any other alternative models.” (Carol)
- “If you're using oppression to fight oppression, you're on the wrong track.” (Traci)
Connect:
Find | Sidewalk Talk
On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg
On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg
Find | Traci Ruble
On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT
On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT
On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT
Find | Dr. Carol Xu
On LinkedIn: @jiacarolxu
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Tuesday Jan 28, 2025
Tuesday Jan 28, 2025
Ancestral Healing Through Systemic Constellations: Cultivating Unity in Diversity with Zita Tulyahikayo
In this episode of the Sidewalk Talk Podcast, host Traci Ruble interviews Zita Tulyahikayo, a clinical hypnotherapist, and systemic coach, about the profound impact of systemic family constellations. They discuss the importance of understanding one's ancestral roots and the transformative power of non-verbal, empathetic connection. They highlight upcoming initiatives like the Listening Bus Tour and share personal stories of healing and clarity through constellations' work, all while challenging conventional views on unity, diversity, and personal growth.
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- 00:00 Introduction to Sidewalk Talk
- 01:16 Meet Our Guest: Zita Tule Hikayo
- 02:25 Upcoming Listening Bus Tour
- 04:21 Zita's Background and Expertise
- 07:35 The Importance of Ancestral Connections
- 12:01 Understanding Systemic Family Constellations
- 21:27 Personal Stories and Transformations
- 30:05 Memories of Sugarcane Fields
- 30:49 Ancestral Connection and Gratitude
- 33:17 Journey to Peru with Mother
- 34:40 Personal Reflections and Warrior Lineage
- 36:36 Systemic Constellations and Family Dynamics
- 39:14 The Complexity of Unity and Diversity
- 43:30 The Brutal and Beautiful World
- 46:31 Purpose and Passion in Life
- 52:24 Final Reflections and Farewell
Resources Mentioned
The Lawyer (Magazine)
Standout Quotes
- We know now that genetic information and memories are stored and passed through us. So the, the cells that would become me were in my mother when my mother was in my grandmother's womb. (Zita)
- I always say you have a close bond with people who you meet as friends. But usually if you had the chance to look in the past, you'd find that you were distant relatives. And often we're more genetically closely related to our friends than we are to our actual family members. (Zita)
- I think, our strongest muscle, empathy, our capacity to empathize or feel. information in our body, which then gets transmitted into meaning which we turn into words. (Zita)
- We're all in trances all the time. My job work is waking people up out of trances that don't really suit them very well. And putting them into a better trance, which supports their, you know, growth and learning…(Zita)
- What Constellations does is it gives you another aspect or two or three or four of the story so you have a fuller picture and with the fuller picture, the truth, which was once just your truth. (Zita)
Connect:
Find | Sidewalk Talk
On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg
On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg
Find | Traci Ruble
On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT
On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT
On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT
Find | Zita Tulyahikayo
At www.lifetherapywithzita.com
On Instagram: @life_therapy_withzita
On LinkedIn: @ZitaTulyahikayoFRSA
On Twitter: @LifeTherapyZita
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Wednesday Jan 15, 2025
Wednesday Jan 15, 2025
Redefining Friendship and True Curiosity (Mixed With A Lot of Laughter) with Dr. Todd Kashdan
In this most laugh-filled episode of all time, Traci sits down with Dr. Todd Kashdan, author of The Art of Insubordination and one of the world’s leading voices in well-being, curiosity, and psychological resilience. As a self-proclaimed fan of Todd’s work, Traci and Todd talk about his groundbreaking insights, including the profound narratives from his wellness lab, where meaning and purpose are untethered from wealth or social status. And Todd performed free therapy for Traci about her trauma raising curious kids in a not-so-curious small town.
Todd shares a sneak peek into his upcoming book on life purpose and meaning, challenges conventional ideas about anger management and relationships, and emphasizes the transformative power of curiosity and social connection. Whether it’s building resilience in the face of stigmatization or embracing diverse perspectives, this conversation is packed with practical wisdom and thought-provoking ideas to inspire impactful change in your life and relationships.
About Dr. Todd Kashdan
Dr. Todd B. Kashdan is a Professor of Psychology at George Mason University and a leading authority on well-being, curiosity, and resilience. With over 225 peer-reviewed articles and recognition as one of the top 1% most-cited scientists globally, Todd has received the American Psychological Association Award for Distinguished Scientific Early Career Contributions.
His bestselling books include Curious?, The Upside of Your Dark Side, and The Art of Insubordination. His work has been featured in The Atlantic, The New York Times, Harvard Business Review, and Time Magazine. Beyond academia, Todd is a sought-after keynote speaker and consultant, working with organizations like Microsoft, Mercedes-Benz, and the U.S. Department of Defense. A twin dad to twin 17-year-olds (plus one more!), Todd is on a mission to populate the world with great conversationalists.
Episode Timeline
00:00 Exciting Announcement: Sidewalk Talk Listening Bus Tour
00:34 Tour Schedule and Community Involvement
01:53 The Mission of Sidewalk Talk
03:02 Introducing Today's Guest: Dr. Todd Cashton
04:26 Diving into Purpose and Meaning with Dr. Todd Cashton
04:45 Exploring Curiosity and Connection
24:06 Debunking Pop Psychology Myths
30:49 The Four Stages of Handling Emotions
33:12 Exploring Relationship Science and Psychological Strengths
34:48 Navigating Social Interactions and Self-Perception
38:32 Motherhood and Social Anxiety
50:09 The Importance of Redemption and Second Chances
57:52 The Essence of Friendship
01:00:26 Podcast Conclusion and Final Thoughts
Resources Mentioned
Todd’s Substack (Substack)
Todd’s Personal Website (Website)
The Art of Insubordination (Book)
Curious? (Book)
The Upside of Your Dark Side (Book)
Standout Quotes
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One of many messages that I'd love people to know is that being idiosyncratic and having strange, bizarre, passionate hobbies, that is the unique elixir that makes you so socially attractive to other people. (Todd)
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Curiosity speeds up intimacy between two people. (Traci paraphrasing Todd)
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So you move from competitiveness to companionship and that's really what you want to be doing when you're experiencing really great pain is you don't even have to talk to somebody. You really just have to be near somebody that is willing to have some semblance of care and desire for you to be around. (Todd)
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If you went to the bathroom and had a glowing orange bowel movement, would you share that detail with your partner? And if you answer the same way, you're probably going to get along well. So now there's a second question that supercharges even more likely that the two of you will get together.
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It's that you have your body, you, you have your ability to observe your body from a distance. You have your mind, you're able to observe your mind from a distance. And that allows you to actually have space so that trauma and negative life events don't have a big enough impact on you because you could see there's a part of you that comes out unharmed because you could look at what happened to you with your mind's eye. (Todd)
Connect:
Find | Todd Kashdan
On LinkedIn: @ToddKashdan
Find | Sidewalk Talk
On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg
On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg
On Facebook: @Sidewalktalksf
On LinkedIn: @SidewalkTalkOrg
Find | Traci Ruble
On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT
On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT
On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT
SUBSCRIBE TO THIS PODCAST
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Friday Jan 03, 2025
Friday Jan 03, 2025
Come hang out with us for an honest and heartfelt conversation about power, rank, and privilege in human relationships. Eight incredible panelists—psychotherapists, community and culture healers, and facilitators from around the world—share personal stories, deep reflections, and real-life insights about how power shapes our lives in complex and surprising ways, even in how we see each other.
This isn’t about quick fixes, but you’ll walk away with some practical ideas to try and maybe a fresh perspective on your own relationship with power. Watching this group come together and hold space for such a rich exchange is like a balm for the soul.
Big love to Sadaf, Aryan, and Liz for staying up through the night to join us from India and Australia—you made this global conversation even more special.
Episode Timeline
00:00 Introduction to Sidewalk Talk
01:04 Meet the Panelists
01:52 Defining Power, Rank, and Privilege
02:46 Personal Reflections on Power
04:49 Opening the Discussion
07:04 Exploring Power Dynamics
08:21 The Complexity of Power in Relationships
11:25 Interpersonal Power and Freedom
14:10 Power in Professional and Personal Contexts
21:56 Embodied Power and Conceptual Power
40:54 The Role of Community and Responsibility
46:00 Understanding Privilege and Power
46:55 The Role of the Body in Power Dynamics
48:33 Initiation and Spiritual Growth
49:53 Relationality Beyond Human Interactions
54:12 The Myth of Independence and Interdependence
57:03 The Importance of Grief and Healing
01:02:06 Stories of Authenticity and Connection
01:07:04 Children's Wisdom and Gender Identity
01:15:22 Closing Reflections and Gratitude
Standout Quotes
Defining Rank, Power and Privilege:
Power is the ability to get things done. And privilege is like the power in a certain context that will give you access to the resources more easily than the other. And rank is the accumulation of power, but that is … contextual and situational depending on the field that you're in. (Sara Huang)
Regulation What We Feel As Power:
If we can regulate what's happening in here, then we can share whatever gifts, whatever love we have and find the pathways, not just to individual power, but to shared influence and relationship inside of it. (Eric Fitzmedrud)
How We Use The Word Privilege:
But I feel a lot of the concepts we use, for me, they don't hit the mark to help us develop our deepest powers, and they don't help us to be authentic with each other. So when I hear, just take the word privilege. Usually, I find in the discourses that I hear, people use [privilege] as an accusation, “You're privileged,” or they use it as an apology, “Oh, I'm so privileged.” And I've been thinking about privilege lately. Privileges is random. It's random. We don't choose the race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, whatever thing. We don't choose any of that. You get your circumstances in life. And then you make something of it. (Dawn Menken)
Shame, Blame, and Guilt:
We've misunderstood shame, blame, and guilt. We think they're emotions, and they're not. They're actually where we go to hide from emotions. So when I hear them in the room, the first question I ask is, “What are you trying not to feel?” And often, it's just deep grief and sadness. And often, we'll take the shame, blame, or guilt so we don't have to take responsibility. And in a culture that's an adolescent adult culture, we want all of the freedoms and none of the responsibilities. Responsibility is the ability to respond, and so for me, that's stepping into our own agency. (Quanita Roberson)
More Than Human World:
Because a lot of the things I'm really interested in as someone who is trying to do my little bit to repair wisdom culture, is so much about that relationality with the sort of the more than or other than human world, as well as our relationship and our superiority and exceptionalism to the rest of the world. (Liz Scarf)
Comfort vs Safety and Victim vs Truth of Who We Are:
I think we often mistake comfort for safety. And we've moved into a culture that actually glorifies victimization. Instead of what communities, a part of communities job is to remind us of the truth of who we are. (Quanita Roberson)
Embodying Power:
I think words are too little to define how we embody power. And I feel that is also one of the problems that I think the world is having at the moment is. We talk, we conceptualize power a lot, but we don't embody it. So when it comes to the real situations, the person is talking so much about power and systemic oppression, and this big jargon but is not even able to stand up for themselves because they're not embodying it. Like they're, they have no experience, they don't have any modeling for that. (Aryan Somaiya)
We Misuse Power To Protect Against Loss:
That misuse of power is the protection against loss. That when we misuse power we’re protecting our hearts from ever knowing that somehow love could be perfect. We're protecting our hearts from knowing that we lose love. We're protecting our hearts from knowing that people die. We're protecting our hearts from knowing that people fail us. We're protecting our hearts from knowing that we're real shitheads to one another and we hurt each other. And so we'll misuse power. And I just I'm sitting with that a lot these days. (Traci Ruble)
Submission:
Submission is power. (Aryan Somaiya)
Harmful Power Narratives That Live In Us:
Power for me was always harm. Whoever had it was the person that harmed. And so, for me, my relationship to power is complicated, right? Because for me, it's bad. So you better not have any personal power. And I'm not so sure I feel about people that have the power. And what that means then is then what the heck am I doing in my life? Because I don't have it for myself, and I certainly judge and, prosecute other people that have it, because to me, it's all bad. I'm not saying that I believe that anymore, but I'm saying that lives inside of me, that relationship to power. (Traci Ruble)
Conflict Between Power Rules and Our Values:
…where power is playing out and rank is playing out about who gets to catch whose eye, walking down the street. And it made me think of the experience I have when I'm walking to the shops and I might pass a man on the street. And in the moment, I feel like, yeah, patriarchy is requiring me to acknowledge your existence here. I have to make some kind of eye contact or smile at you or acknowledge you somehow. Like I feel that, as a woman, that I am supposed to do that. So of course, I want to do it. I'm just like, I know I want to pretend this person doesn't exist actually, because I don't want to be forced to have to do that. It feels oppressive in the moment, right? But then my own values, I really appreciate, I really value community friendliness. And I think the acknowledging of each other in public is really important, right? To being a really safe and healthy and friendly culture, I really like that. So in that moment, that kind of power issue around, gender and whatever puts me in a little bit of a complex or conflict against my own personal values. (Liz Scarfe)
Becoming Aware of Power Scarcity:
…my experience working with couples is that when fear or a desire for control is motivating the pursuit of influence, it tends to be fleeting, and it tends to be fragile. I become afraid that my ability to have influence will be taken away from me and somebody else will gain the levers of power or control. But if I'm motivated out of love and connection, then my influence endures and I find it easy to cede the floor, to listen to the needs or the influence and be influenced as well. And so when that shows up in couples, a lot of the conversation about rank comes in about who perceives themself as having skill in whatever's happening in the relationship. Who perceives their partner as having influence in the relationship? And a lot of what I work with is people who are unaware of their power and influence through the levers of critique, feedback - through speaking louder, being physically bigger, holding positions or identities of power or privilege race or identity, and the unconsciousness of that. (Eric Fitzmedrud)
Systemic power problems are happening in our close relationships:
We don't experience patriarchy or caste or class as this sort of big monster that's going to come and meet us on the road, right? We experience all these systems in our relationships. So it's the mother, the friend, the father, the colleague who is going to be patriarchal, who's going to be homophobic or transphobic or whatever. So the systems are going to show up in our relationships, actually, right? It isn't this abstract concept we'll meet outside somewhere. And we have more agency in that two or three or four-person relationship. Which we sometimes forget because we think that the systemic oppression is so big. So I can't change patriarchy. So what's the point sort of thing, but the interface with patriarchy is probably in a relationship. And there we do have some agency. So it's that power that gets spoken about quite less about what we can do in these smaller ecosystems that we exist in. Just because we can't erase that systemic problem doesn't mean we shouldn't engage here in the two, three, or four person unit. (Sadaf Vidha)
Parenting and Power With Kids:
How aware are we with our power when we talk to kids? Can we encourage them in their relationship to us? And parents often forget that we are the first authorities. We are the first power folks in the child's life. And I always tell parents when I work with them, “Hey, if your kid isn't free to bring in an opinion with you or to disagree, don't you expect them to stand up to peer pressure. They won't be able to do it.” We are the playground for all of that. (Dawn Menken)
Resources Mentioned
Diamond Leadership Training https://diamondleadership.com/power-intelligence-training/
Connect:
Find Our Guests:
Eric Fitzmedrud - https://www.drericfitz.com/about-me/
Sara Huang https://www.bureautwist.nl/wie
Dawn Menken - https://www.dawnmenken.com/bio
Quanita Roberson - https://www.nzuzu.com/about
Traci Ruble https://www.traciruble.com/about
Liz Scarfe https://lizscarfe.net/about/
Aryan Somaiya - https://guftagutherapy.in/founders
Sadaf Vidha https://guftagutherapy.in/founders
Find | Sidewalk Talk
On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg
On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg
On Facebook: @Sidewalktalksf
On LinkedIn: @SidewalkTalkOrg
Find | Traci Ruble
On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT
On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT
On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT
SUBSCRIBE TO THIS PODCAST
On Spotify
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Wednesday Dec 11, 2024
Wednesday Dec 11, 2024
Listening and Cultural Repair
Lana Jelenjev is a community alchemist and cultural repair expert who is aware of the importance of creating courageous spaces for deep human connection. Lana shares her journey from the Philippines to the Netherlands and how her cultural background shapes her work. They discuss neurodiversity, cultural wounds, and the concepts of salutogenesis and post-traumatic growth. Lana highlights the need for recognizing and celebrating our strengths, as well as the importance of understanding our historical and familial contexts.
Episode Timeline
00:00 Introduction to Sidewalk Talk
01:07 Meet Lana Gelinjev
01:50 The Importance of Regulated Nervous Systems
02:35 Lana's Journey and Achievements
05:38 Creating Brave Spaces for Cultural Repair
18:22 Understanding Cultural and Family Histories
23:52 Navigating Cultural Guilt and Pride
28:47 Discovering Ancestral Roots
29:45 Embracing Ancestral Strengths
30:26 Salutogenic Approach to Healing
34:07 Positive Experiences and Wellness
43:05 Redefining Power and Anger
48:17 Celebrating Wholeness and Identity
51:06 Final Reflections and Gratitude
Resources Mentioned
Lana’s Substack (Substack)
Lana’s Personal Website (Website)
Neurodiversity Academy (Website)
Refugia (Website)
Standout Quotes
- It really got me thinking of how much of our history and our culture has so many wounds [and so many] identities attached to it that we often neglect. (Lana)
- We often think of personal development as individual. And yet, you know, what we bring in as humans, as individuals, is very much cultural. So how can we also peel into these layers and understand what needs to be healed and what needs to be expressed and what needs to be acknowledged? And for that to happen, we need to be open to sharing all this and being in these conversations in the first place, which, I can imagine for a lot of people, can be really triggering. (Lana)
- For me, one of the things that I go back to is my own regulated state, I often refer to as yes, hurt people, hurt people, and settled bodies, settled bodies. So for me going into this type of conversation, I need to take agency in terms of how am I showing up? (Lana)
- What is our lens around productivity? For me I can say for us Filipinos, our lens around productivity has been so tied up with our colonial history. Being told countless times as Filipinos that we were lazy, and we were branded by the Spaniards as lazy, and there were stories created about Filipinos being lazy. (Lana)
- …we've had so many founders, um, talk to us about, Ooh, it's so difficult to show up and be visible because, you know, I don't think I'm worthy or I don't feel that I'm enough. So this concept around being enough, is something to unpack, you know, like where did this start and how did this start and how far can you trace it back? (Lana)
Connect:
Find | Lana Jelenjev
At www.lanajelenjev
On Instagram: @our_refugia
On LinkedIn: @LanaJelenjev
Find | Sidewalk Talk
On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg
On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg
On Facebook: @Sidewalktalksf
On LinkedIn: @SidewalkTalkOrg
Find | Traci Ruble
On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT
On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT
On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT
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Monday Nov 25, 2024
Monday Nov 25, 2024
How to set boundaries that stick and the brain stuff behind boundaries with Juliane Taylor Shore
As always please consider following the Sidewalk Talk podcast and leaving a review. It helps more folks find the work of Sidewalk Talk and the amazing guests we host on the podcast.
Juliane Taylor Shore, LMFT, LPC, SEP, is a therapist, author, and teacher dedicated to creating spaces where people can cultivate self-compassion, self-trust, empowerment, and integrity. Juliane regularly teaches and speaks to audiences around the world, translating the latest insights in neurobiology into practical tools that foster meaningful brain change.
In this conversation, Traci and Juliane dive into Juliane’s work with complex trauma and her study of neurobiology, which inspired her to write a brain-savvy book on setting boundaries. Together, they explore what’s happening in the brain during moments of connection and threat—and, most importantly, what to do about it. Pssst, this will help a ton with listening on the sidewalk.
Above all, this episode offers a little love transfusion. Juliane’s excitement, compassion, and authentic humanity shine through, making her a wonderful model for all of us who strive to listen with heart—whether on the sidewalk or beyond.
Episode Timeline
- 00:00 Introduction to Sidewalk Talk
- 01:04 Meet Julianne Taylor Shore
- 01:46 Julianne's Unique Approach to Therapy
- 06:05 Understanding Boundaries
- 13:58 The Pleasure of Listening
- 24:28 Brain States and Boundaries
- 33:21 Exploring the Concept of Specialness
- 35:19 Building a Relationship with Your System
- 37:10 Navigating Emotions and Reactions
- 45:06 Self-Trust and Intuition
- 49:36 Interconnectedness and Boundaries
- 56:10 Closing Thoughts and Appreciations
Resources Mentioned
Setting Boundaries that Stick (Book)
STAIR Training with Juliane (Training)
Standout Quotes
- When your brain has assessed that you're relatively okay, now connection and bonding and collaboration are physiologically available to you. (Juliane)
- Boundaries are something you do in response to some limit or request not being met. And I always thought the boundary was the limit or the request. (Traci)
- All my boundary work actually came out of how do I help people be with this hard reality? Like, your brain sees the world differently than the person's brain next to you. Because you have different histories and different contexts and how you're making sense of all this information that's coming at you is unique to you. (Juliane)
- I call it listening with acceptance. And it's really, can you let yourself bear witness to someone else's thinking and feeling spaces without needing to change those internal spaces in them for you to be okay. So if I listen with acceptance, then it's cool for you to be you. I don't need you not to be you for me to be all right. And that's separate from behavior. I really want to separate that out. Not every behavior is okay. But thoughts and feelings, that's somebody becoming themselves through time. (Juliane)
Connect:
Find | Julian Taylor Shore
On Instagram: @JulianeTaylorShore
On LinkedIn: @JulianeTaylorShore
On Facebook: @JulianeTaylorShore
Find | Sidewalk Talk
On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg
On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg
On Facebook: @Sidewalktalksf
On LinkedIn: @SidewalkTalkOrg
Find | Traci Ruble
On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT
On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT
On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT
Saturday Nov 09, 2024
Saturday Nov 09, 2024
What does empathy have to do with design thinking and pipe cleaner hats?
Lee is a design thinker, an engineer, and a community builder. She founded a community innovation lab, Design Dream Lab, where anyone with a giving heart can make an impact and dream of a better future. Lee loves building and fostering creativity through everyday experiences and finds joy in connecting dots with other fun-loving and joyful human beings.
Lee currently serves as a Service Design Experience Lead at Pfizer.
When she is not playing at work, she brings amazing people together to build the future that we desire.
Traci was introduced to Lee just because. Traci never even knew Lee was a bit of a celebrity who made and wore pipe cleaner hats. She had worn them for a year and was covered in a beautiful New Yorker article and video expose. You are in for inspiration and a positive sparkle in your day when you listen to Lee’s creative nudges and design thinking ethos.
Episode Timeline
- [00:09] Intro
- [0:58] Meet Lee Kim
- [4:01] Lee describes the hat she is wearing for our podcast interview.
- [5:14] How “wearable Tracy” pipe cleaner hats were birthed.
- [8:33] A family feud repaired through empathy and design thinking.
- [14:44] Playing empathy kaleidoscope game at Queens Library in New York.
- [21:00] Creating an end-of-life vision in a New York City Park
- [27:32] Defining Design Thinking
- [33:47] Our failed design prototypes are necessary for lighting our path
- [40:34] Parting wish to listeners
- [43:32] Outro
Resources Mentioned
New Yorker Piece on Silly Hats (Article / Video)
Design Dream Lab (website)
Memory Kaleidoscope (website)
Standout Quotes
- “...it's impossible to achieve 100 % empathy because even if you were born in the same time go through the same life as a twin or someone, your life is different. So you can never actually 100 % empathize with that person. But as a person who is curious, what we can do is we could try, attempt to be that person.” (Lee)
- “Oftentimes it is us just helping each other to grow to be a better person rather than us trying to create products to make the world better. (Lee).
- “The perspective shifting reframing of the questions from the lens of the person who's going through it always start the design thinking process. And that is what designers do.” (Lee)
- “So what excites me about design thinking is it's never a lone game. There are always partners who are going to come along the journey with you.” (Lee)
- “And you create prototypes not to prove you're right. You create prototypes to see what you can learn more about the person. And then you go test and iterate, and then you come back to, Okay, this is what we think can help you.” (Lee)
- “...the solution is communication. The solution is sharing their lived experiences, not the theory that you can find in research papers.” (Lee)
- “I think it's important for me to at least know that to myself, am I true to myself.” (Lee)
Connect:
Find | Sidewalk Talk
On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg
On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg
Find | Traci Ruble
On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT
On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT
On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT
Find | Lee Kim
On LinkedIn: @leekim
SUBSCRIBE TO THIS PODCAST
On Spotify
On YouTube