In a world that loves to talk, do, achieve, promote, preach, sell....what does it mean to connect, be, and listen. A podcast about #humanconnection #mentalhealth #socialhealth #empathy #belonging and #loneliness. And always thinking about justice and inclusion in all things. Join us. And share far and wide. Or start your own chapter of Sidewalk Talk in your community. www.sidewalk-talk.org
Episodes
6 days ago
6 days ago
Redefining Friendship and True Curiosity (Mixed With A Lot of Laughter) with Dr. Todd Kashdan
In this most laugh-filled episode of all time, Traci sits down with Dr. Todd Kashdan, author of The Art of Insubordination and one of the world’s leading voices in well-being, curiosity, and psychological resilience. As a self-proclaimed fan of Todd’s work, Traci and Todd talk about his groundbreaking insights, including the profound narratives from his wellness lab, where meaning and purpose are untethered from wealth or social status. And Todd performed free therapy for Traci about her trauma raising curious kids in a not-so-curious small town.
Todd shares a sneak peek into his upcoming book on life purpose and meaning, challenges conventional ideas about anger management and relationships, and emphasizes the transformative power of curiosity and social connection. Whether it’s building resilience in the face of stigmatization or embracing diverse perspectives, this conversation is packed with practical wisdom and thought-provoking ideas to inspire impactful change in your life and relationships.
About Dr. Todd Kashdan
Dr. Todd B. Kashdan is a Professor of Psychology at George Mason University and a leading authority on well-being, curiosity, and resilience. With over 225 peer-reviewed articles and recognition as one of the top 1% most-cited scientists globally, Todd has received the American Psychological Association Award for Distinguished Scientific Early Career Contributions.
His bestselling books include Curious?, The Upside of Your Dark Side, and The Art of Insubordination. His work has been featured in The Atlantic, The New York Times, Harvard Business Review, and Time Magazine. Beyond academia, Todd is a sought-after keynote speaker and consultant, working with organizations like Microsoft, Mercedes-Benz, and the U.S. Department of Defense. A twin dad to twin 17-year-olds (plus one more!), Todd is on a mission to populate the world with great conversationalists.
Episode Timeline
00:00 Exciting Announcement: Sidewalk Talk Listening Bus Tour
00:34 Tour Schedule and Community Involvement
01:53 The Mission of Sidewalk Talk
03:02 Introducing Today's Guest: Dr. Todd Cashton
04:26 Diving into Purpose and Meaning with Dr. Todd Cashton
04:45 Exploring Curiosity and Connection
24:06 Debunking Pop Psychology Myths
30:49 The Four Stages of Handling Emotions
33:12 Exploring Relationship Science and Psychological Strengths
34:48 Navigating Social Interactions and Self-Perception
38:32 Motherhood and Social Anxiety
50:09 The Importance of Redemption and Second Chances
57:52 The Essence of Friendship
01:00:26 Podcast Conclusion and Final Thoughts
Resources Mentioned
Todd’s Substack (Substack)
Todd’s Personal Website (Website)
The Art of Insubordination (Book)
Curious? (Book)
The Upside of Your Dark Side (Book)
Standout Quotes
-
One of many messages that I'd love people to know is that being idiosyncratic and having strange, bizarre, passionate hobbies, that is the unique elixir that makes you so socially attractive to other people. (Todd)
-
Curiosity speeds up intimacy between two people. (Traci paraphrasing Todd)
-
So you move from competitiveness to companionship and that's really what you want to be doing when you're experiencing really great pain is you don't even have to talk to somebody. You really just have to be near somebody that is willing to have some semblance of care and desire for you to be around. (Todd)
-
If you went to the bathroom and had a glowing orange bowel movement, would you share that detail with your partner? And if you answer the same way, you're probably going to get along well. So now there's a second question that supercharges even more likely that the two of you will get together.
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It's that you have your body, you, you have your ability to observe your body from a distance. You have your mind, you're able to observe your mind from a distance. And that allows you to actually have space so that trauma and negative life events don't have a big enough impact on you because you could see there's a part of you that comes out unharmed because you could look at what happened to you with your mind's eye. (Todd)
Connect:
Find | Todd Kashdan
On LinkedIn: @ToddKashdan
Find | Sidewalk Talk
On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg
On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg
On Facebook: @Sidewalktalksf
On LinkedIn: @SidewalkTalkOrg
Find | Traci Ruble
On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT
On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT
On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT
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Friday Jan 03, 2025
Friday Jan 03, 2025
Come hang out with us for an honest and heartfelt conversation about power, rank, and privilege in human relationships. Eight incredible panelists—psychotherapists, community and culture healers, and facilitators from around the world—share personal stories, deep reflections, and real-life insights about how power shapes our lives in complex and surprising ways, even in how we see each other.
This isn’t about quick fixes, but you’ll walk away with some practical ideas to try and maybe a fresh perspective on your own relationship with power. Watching this group come together and hold space for such a rich exchange is like a balm for the soul.
Big love to Sadaf, Aryan, and Liz for staying up through the night to join us from India and Australia—you made this global conversation even more special.
Episode Timeline
00:00 Introduction to Sidewalk Talk
01:04 Meet the Panelists
01:52 Defining Power, Rank, and Privilege
02:46 Personal Reflections on Power
04:49 Opening the Discussion
07:04 Exploring Power Dynamics
08:21 The Complexity of Power in Relationships
11:25 Interpersonal Power and Freedom
14:10 Power in Professional and Personal Contexts
21:56 Embodied Power and Conceptual Power
40:54 The Role of Community and Responsibility
46:00 Understanding Privilege and Power
46:55 The Role of the Body in Power Dynamics
48:33 Initiation and Spiritual Growth
49:53 Relationality Beyond Human Interactions
54:12 The Myth of Independence and Interdependence
57:03 The Importance of Grief and Healing
01:02:06 Stories of Authenticity and Connection
01:07:04 Children's Wisdom and Gender Identity
01:15:22 Closing Reflections and Gratitude
Standout Quotes
Defining Rank, Power and Privilege:
Power is the ability to get things done. And privilege is like the power in a certain context that will give you access to the resources more easily than the other. And rank is the accumulation of power, but that is … contextual and situational depending on the field that you're in. (Sara Huang)
Regulation What We Feel As Power:
If we can regulate what's happening in here, then we can share whatever gifts, whatever love we have and find the pathways, not just to individual power, but to shared influence and relationship inside of it. (Eric Fitzmedrud)
How We Use The Word Privilege:
But I feel a lot of the concepts we use, for me, they don't hit the mark to help us develop our deepest powers, and they don't help us to be authentic with each other. So when I hear, just take the word privilege. Usually, I find in the discourses that I hear, people use [privilege] as an accusation, “You're privileged,” or they use it as an apology, “Oh, I'm so privileged.” And I've been thinking about privilege lately. Privileges is random. It's random. We don't choose the race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, whatever thing. We don't choose any of that. You get your circumstances in life. And then you make something of it. (Dawn Menken)
Shame, Blame, and Guilt:
We've misunderstood shame, blame, and guilt. We think they're emotions, and they're not. They're actually where we go to hide from emotions. So when I hear them in the room, the first question I ask is, “What are you trying not to feel?” And often, it's just deep grief and sadness. And often, we'll take the shame, blame, or guilt so we don't have to take responsibility. And in a culture that's an adolescent adult culture, we want all of the freedoms and none of the responsibilities. Responsibility is the ability to respond, and so for me, that's stepping into our own agency. (Quanita Roberson)
More Than Human World:
Because a lot of the things I'm really interested in as someone who is trying to do my little bit to repair wisdom culture, is so much about that relationality with the sort of the more than or other than human world, as well as our relationship and our superiority and exceptionalism to the rest of the world. (Liz Scarf)
Comfort vs Safety and Victim vs Truth of Who We Are:
I think we often mistake comfort for safety. And we've moved into a culture that actually glorifies victimization. Instead of what communities, a part of communities job is to remind us of the truth of who we are. (Quanita Roberson)
Embodying Power:
I think words are too little to define how we embody power. And I feel that is also one of the problems that I think the world is having at the moment is. We talk, we conceptualize power a lot, but we don't embody it. So when it comes to the real situations, the person is talking so much about power and systemic oppression, and this big jargon but is not even able to stand up for themselves because they're not embodying it. Like they're, they have no experience, they don't have any modeling for that. (Aryan Somaiya)
We Misuse Power To Protect Against Loss:
That misuse of power is the protection against loss. That when we misuse power we’re protecting our hearts from ever knowing that somehow love could be perfect. We're protecting our hearts from knowing that we lose love. We're protecting our hearts from knowing that people die. We're protecting our hearts from knowing that people fail us. We're protecting our hearts from knowing that we're real shitheads to one another and we hurt each other. And so we'll misuse power. And I just I'm sitting with that a lot these days. (Traci Ruble)
Submission:
Submission is power. (Aryan Somaiya)
Harmful Power Narratives That Live In Us:
Power for me was always harm. Whoever had it was the person that harmed. And so, for me, my relationship to power is complicated, right? Because for me, it's bad. So you better not have any personal power. And I'm not so sure I feel about people that have the power. And what that means then is then what the heck am I doing in my life? Because I don't have it for myself, and I certainly judge and, prosecute other people that have it, because to me, it's all bad. I'm not saying that I believe that anymore, but I'm saying that lives inside of me, that relationship to power. (Traci Ruble)
Conflict Between Power Rules and Our Values:
…where power is playing out and rank is playing out about who gets to catch whose eye, walking down the street. And it made me think of the experience I have when I'm walking to the shops and I might pass a man on the street. And in the moment, I feel like, yeah, patriarchy is requiring me to acknowledge your existence here. I have to make some kind of eye contact or smile at you or acknowledge you somehow. Like I feel that, as a woman, that I am supposed to do that. So of course, I want to do it. I'm just like, I know I want to pretend this person doesn't exist actually, because I don't want to be forced to have to do that. It feels oppressive in the moment, right? But then my own values, I really appreciate, I really value community friendliness. And I think the acknowledging of each other in public is really important, right? To being a really safe and healthy and friendly culture, I really like that. So in that moment, that kind of power issue around, gender and whatever puts me in a little bit of a complex or conflict against my own personal values. (Liz Scarfe)
Becoming Aware of Power Scarcity:
…my experience working with couples is that when fear or a desire for control is motivating the pursuit of influence, it tends to be fleeting, and it tends to be fragile. I become afraid that my ability to have influence will be taken away from me and somebody else will gain the levers of power or control. But if I'm motivated out of love and connection, then my influence endures and I find it easy to cede the floor, to listen to the needs or the influence and be influenced as well. And so when that shows up in couples, a lot of the conversation about rank comes in about who perceives themself as having skill in whatever's happening in the relationship. Who perceives their partner as having influence in the relationship? And a lot of what I work with is people who are unaware of their power and influence through the levers of critique, feedback - through speaking louder, being physically bigger, holding positions or identities of power or privilege race or identity, and the unconsciousness of that. (Eric Fitzmedrud)
Systemic power problems are happening in our close relationships:
We don't experience patriarchy or caste or class as this sort of big monster that's going to come and meet us on the road, right? We experience all these systems in our relationships. So it's the mother, the friend, the father, the colleague who is going to be patriarchal, who's going to be homophobic or transphobic or whatever. So the systems are going to show up in our relationships, actually, right? It isn't this abstract concept we'll meet outside somewhere. And we have more agency in that two or three or four-person relationship. Which we sometimes forget because we think that the systemic oppression is so big. So I can't change patriarchy. So what's the point sort of thing, but the interface with patriarchy is probably in a relationship. And there we do have some agency. So it's that power that gets spoken about quite less about what we can do in these smaller ecosystems that we exist in. Just because we can't erase that systemic problem doesn't mean we shouldn't engage here in the two, three, or four person unit. (Sadaf Vidha)
Parenting and Power With Kids:
How aware are we with our power when we talk to kids? Can we encourage them in their relationship to us? And parents often forget that we are the first authorities. We are the first power folks in the child's life. And I always tell parents when I work with them, “Hey, if your kid isn't free to bring in an opinion with you or to disagree, don't you expect them to stand up to peer pressure. They won't be able to do it.” We are the playground for all of that. (Dawn Menken)
Resources Mentioned
Diamond Leadership Training https://diamondleadership.com/power-intelligence-training/
Connect:
Find Our Guests:
Eric Fitzmedrud - https://www.drericfitz.com/about-me/
Sara Huang https://www.bureautwist.nl/wie
Dawn Menken - https://www.dawnmenken.com/bio
Quanita Roberson - https://www.nzuzu.com/about
Traci Ruble https://www.traciruble.com/about
Liz Scarfe https://lizscarfe.net/about/
Aryan Somaiya - https://guftagutherapy.in/founders
Sadaf Vidha https://guftagutherapy.in/founders
Find | Sidewalk Talk
On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg
On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg
On Facebook: @Sidewalktalksf
On LinkedIn: @SidewalkTalkOrg
Find | Traci Ruble
On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT
On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT
On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT
SUBSCRIBE TO THIS PODCAST
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On YouTube
Wednesday Dec 11, 2024
Wednesday Dec 11, 2024
Listening and Cultural Repair
Lana Jelenjev is a community alchemist and cultural repair expert who is aware of the importance of creating courageous spaces for deep human connection. Lana shares her journey from the Philippines to the Netherlands and how her cultural background shapes her work. They discuss neurodiversity, cultural wounds, and the concepts of salutogenesis and post-traumatic growth. Lana highlights the need for recognizing and celebrating our strengths, as well as the importance of understanding our historical and familial contexts.
Episode Timeline
00:00 Introduction to Sidewalk Talk
01:07 Meet Lana Gelinjev
01:50 The Importance of Regulated Nervous Systems
02:35 Lana's Journey and Achievements
05:38 Creating Brave Spaces for Cultural Repair
18:22 Understanding Cultural and Family Histories
23:52 Navigating Cultural Guilt and Pride
28:47 Discovering Ancestral Roots
29:45 Embracing Ancestral Strengths
30:26 Salutogenic Approach to Healing
34:07 Positive Experiences and Wellness
43:05 Redefining Power and Anger
48:17 Celebrating Wholeness and Identity
51:06 Final Reflections and Gratitude
Resources Mentioned
Lana’s Substack (Substack)
Lana’s Personal Website (Website)
Neurodiversity Academy (Website)
Refugia (Website)
Standout Quotes
- It really got me thinking of how much of our history and our culture has so many wounds [and so many] identities attached to it that we often neglect. (Lana)
- We often think of personal development as individual. And yet, you know, what we bring in as humans, as individuals, is very much cultural. So how can we also peel into these layers and understand what needs to be healed and what needs to be expressed and what needs to be acknowledged? And for that to happen, we need to be open to sharing all this and being in these conversations in the first place, which, I can imagine for a lot of people, can be really triggering. (Lana)
- For me, one of the things that I go back to is my own regulated state, I often refer to as yes, hurt people, hurt people, and settled bodies, settled bodies. So for me going into this type of conversation, I need to take agency in terms of how am I showing up? (Lana)
- What is our lens around productivity? For me I can say for us Filipinos, our lens around productivity has been so tied up with our colonial history. Being told countless times as Filipinos that we were lazy, and we were branded by the Spaniards as lazy, and there were stories created about Filipinos being lazy. (Lana)
- …we've had so many founders, um, talk to us about, Ooh, it's so difficult to show up and be visible because, you know, I don't think I'm worthy or I don't feel that I'm enough. So this concept around being enough, is something to unpack, you know, like where did this start and how did this start and how far can you trace it back? (Lana)
Connect:
Find | Lana Jelenjev
At www.lanajelenjev
On Instagram: @our_refugia
On LinkedIn: @LanaJelenjev
Find | Sidewalk Talk
On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg
On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg
On Facebook: @Sidewalktalksf
On LinkedIn: @SidewalkTalkOrg
Find | Traci Ruble
On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT
On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT
On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT
SUBSCRIBE TO THIS PODCAST
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Monday Nov 25, 2024
Monday Nov 25, 2024
How to set boundaries that stick and the brain stuff behind boundaries with Juliane Taylor Shore
As always please consider following the Sidewalk Talk podcast and leaving a review. It helps more folks find the work of Sidewalk Talk and the amazing guests we host on the podcast.
Juliane Taylor Shore, LMFT, LPC, SEP, is a therapist, author, and teacher dedicated to creating spaces where people can cultivate self-compassion, self-trust, empowerment, and integrity. Juliane regularly teaches and speaks to audiences around the world, translating the latest insights in neurobiology into practical tools that foster meaningful brain change.
In this conversation, Traci and Juliane dive into Juliane’s work with complex trauma and her study of neurobiology, which inspired her to write a brain-savvy book on setting boundaries. Together, they explore what’s happening in the brain during moments of connection and threat—and, most importantly, what to do about it. Pssst, this will help a ton with listening on the sidewalk.
Above all, this episode offers a little love transfusion. Juliane’s excitement, compassion, and authentic humanity shine through, making her a wonderful model for all of us who strive to listen with heart—whether on the sidewalk or beyond.
Episode Timeline
- 00:00 Introduction to Sidewalk Talk
- 01:04 Meet Julianne Taylor Shore
- 01:46 Julianne's Unique Approach to Therapy
- 06:05 Understanding Boundaries
- 13:58 The Pleasure of Listening
- 24:28 Brain States and Boundaries
- 33:21 Exploring the Concept of Specialness
- 35:19 Building a Relationship with Your System
- 37:10 Navigating Emotions and Reactions
- 45:06 Self-Trust and Intuition
- 49:36 Interconnectedness and Boundaries
- 56:10 Closing Thoughts and Appreciations
Resources Mentioned
Setting Boundaries that Stick (Book)
STAIR Training with Juliane (Training)
Standout Quotes
- When your brain has assessed that you're relatively okay, now connection and bonding and collaboration are physiologically available to you. (Juliane)
- Boundaries are something you do in response to some limit or request not being met. And I always thought the boundary was the limit or the request. (Traci)
- All my boundary work actually came out of how do I help people be with this hard reality? Like, your brain sees the world differently than the person's brain next to you. Because you have different histories and different contexts and how you're making sense of all this information that's coming at you is unique to you. (Juliane)
- I call it listening with acceptance. And it's really, can you let yourself bear witness to someone else's thinking and feeling spaces without needing to change those internal spaces in them for you to be okay. So if I listen with acceptance, then it's cool for you to be you. I don't need you not to be you for me to be all right. And that's separate from behavior. I really want to separate that out. Not every behavior is okay. But thoughts and feelings, that's somebody becoming themselves through time. (Juliane)
Connect:
Find | Julian Taylor Shore
On Instagram: @JulianeTaylorShore
On LinkedIn: @JulianeTaylorShore
On Facebook: @JulianeTaylorShore
Find | Sidewalk Talk
On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg
On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg
On Facebook: @Sidewalktalksf
On LinkedIn: @SidewalkTalkOrg
Find | Traci Ruble
On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT
On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT
On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT
Saturday Nov 09, 2024
Saturday Nov 09, 2024
What does empathy have to do with design thinking and pipe cleaner hats?
Lee is a design thinker, an engineer, and a community builder. She founded a community innovation lab, Design Dream Lab, where anyone with a giving heart can make an impact and dream of a better future. Lee loves building and fostering creativity through everyday experiences and finds joy in connecting dots with other fun-loving and joyful human beings.
Lee currently serves as a Service Design Experience Lead at Pfizer.
When she is not playing at work, she brings amazing people together to build the future that we desire.
Traci was introduced to Lee just because. Traci never even knew Lee was a bit of a celebrity who made and wore pipe cleaner hats. She had worn them for a year and was covered in a beautiful New Yorker article and video expose. You are in for inspiration and a positive sparkle in your day when you listen to Lee’s creative nudges and design thinking ethos.
Episode Timeline
- [00:09] Intro
- [0:58] Meet Lee Kim
- [4:01] Lee describes the hat she is wearing for our podcast interview.
- [5:14] How “wearable Tracy” pipe cleaner hats were birthed.
- [8:33] A family feud repaired through empathy and design thinking.
- [14:44] Playing empathy kaleidoscope game at Queens Library in New York.
- [21:00] Creating an end-of-life vision in a New York City Park
- [27:32] Defining Design Thinking
- [33:47] Our failed design prototypes are necessary for lighting our path
- [40:34] Parting wish to listeners
- [43:32] Outro
Resources Mentioned
New Yorker Piece on Silly Hats (Article / Video)
Design Dream Lab (website)
Memory Kaleidoscope (website)
Standout Quotes
- “...it's impossible to achieve 100 % empathy because even if you were born in the same time go through the same life as a twin or someone, your life is different. So you can never actually 100 % empathize with that person. But as a person who is curious, what we can do is we could try, attempt to be that person.” (Lee)
- “Oftentimes it is us just helping each other to grow to be a better person rather than us trying to create products to make the world better. (Lee).
- “The perspective shifting reframing of the questions from the lens of the person who's going through it always start the design thinking process. And that is what designers do.” (Lee)
- “So what excites me about design thinking is it's never a lone game. There are always partners who are going to come along the journey with you.” (Lee)
- “And you create prototypes not to prove you're right. You create prototypes to see what you can learn more about the person. And then you go test and iterate, and then you come back to, Okay, this is what we think can help you.” (Lee)
- “...the solution is communication. The solution is sharing their lived experiences, not the theory that you can find in research papers.” (Lee)
- “I think it's important for me to at least know that to myself, am I true to myself.” (Lee)
Connect:
Find | Sidewalk Talk
On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg
On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg
Find | Traci Ruble
On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT
On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT
On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT
Find | Lee Kim
On LinkedIn: @leekim
SUBSCRIBE TO THIS PODCAST
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Friday Sep 22, 2023
Friday Sep 22, 2023
In this enlightening episode of The Sidewalk Talk podcast, your host Traci Ruble engages in a thought-provoking conversation with Dr. Eric Fitzmedrud, a prominent couple's therapist specializing in male sexuality. Their discussion delves into the complex world of male sexuality, consent, and the significance of emotional intelligence within relationships.
Traci expresses her deep admiration for Dr. Fitz's work and the unique lens through which he views male sexuality, emphasizing his dedication to issues related to consent and patriarchy.
One of the highlights of the episode is the exploration of Dr. Fitz's groundbreaking book published this week, "The Better Man: A Guide to Consent, Stronger Relationships, and Hotter Sex." Traci feels so strongly about the potential of this book to radically alter sex from a pressure tug-of-war between partners to something magical.
Dr. Fitz underscores the importance of men reconnecting with their tender hearts and nurturing authentic relationships. He argues that this is key to unlocking their true power and satisfaction.
The conversation takes an intriguing turn as they discuss the potential conflict between tenderness and sexiness. Dr. Fitz illuminates how embracing tenderness can create safety within relationships and enhance intense sexual experiences.
Episode Timeline
- [00:09] Intro
- [0:58] Meet Dr. Eric Fitzmedrud aka “Dr. Fitz”
- [7:33] Men’s power comes from their tenderheartedness
- [9:04] Different erotic styles.
- [11:37] Consent leads to more pleasure
- [18:08] Gender essentialism and what transmen can teach all men about sexual pleasure.
- [23:51] How sexual shame shows up.
- [32:04] How to liberate men from patriarchy?
- [37:51] Dr. Fitz’s message to Sidewalk Talk listeners
- [39:50] Outro
Resources Mentioned
The Better Man: A Guide to Consent, Stronger Relationships, and Hotter Sex (Book)
Standout Quotes
- “...our love, our capacity to connect, our capacity to be in genuine, authentic relationship, is where our deepest power comes from - men or people of any gender.” (Dr. Fitz)
- “Consent culture can take place in the therapist's office or the boardroom or anywhere we meet and connect with each other.” (Dr. Fitz)
- “We get caught in these conflicting messages with very few messages that confirm for us the innate essence of goodness in us, that our sexuality is good, that our desire and capacity for love is real and needed in the world.” (Dr. Fitz)
- “...a penis being hard ejaculating the way that you think it ought to or somebody's told you it ought to, isn't essential to being a man. It isn't essential to being a good lover, because that trans man over there can be a good lover too.” (Dr. Fitz)
- “...if we don't attend to the flowing water of sexuality, it's still flowing. And if we don't attend to where it's going, it will continue filling up whatever reservoir we've bottled it up into until it will overflow our boundaries and it will feel out of control for us.” (Dr. Fitz)
Find | Sidewalk Talk
On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg
On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg
Find | Traci Ruble
On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT
On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT
On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT
Find | Dr. Eric Fitzmedrud
On Instagram: @drericfitz
On Facebook: @drericfitz
On TikTok: @drericfitz
On LinkedIn: @drericfitz
On Twitter: @drericfitz
Friday Apr 21, 2023
Friday Apr 21, 2023
Reinventing Masculinity Will Allow Men to Live Longer Happier Lives | Ed Frauenheim
Ed Frauenheim is a consultant and co-author of four books, including A Great Place to Work For All and Reinventing Masculinity: The Liberating Power of Compassion and Connection.
Ed and Traci share how old-school masculinity has harmed both of their lives. Ed gives concrete instructions on what all of us can do today to begin to reinvent masculinity.
Episode Timeline
- [00:09] Intro
- [0:58] Meet Ed
- [4:16] Ed’s Heartbreaks
- [8:25] Liberating masculinity from “bad guy branding”
- [11:55] Expressing feelings instead of getting violent
- [16:45] Men’s earliest friendships
- [23:03] Why men don’t listen
- [28:34] Men as unconscious ATM machines
- [39:47] Attachment wounds in marriage
- [45:50] Underneath men’s anger is a broken heart
- [47:40] Closing
- [49:35] Outro
Resources Mentioned
Reinventing Masculinity (Book)
Standout Quotes
- “I've had my own heartbreaks, you might say, or a lot of sadness and struggle and shame around not fitting into the typical categories and not meeting the expectations of being a winner, a high-performing professional that rises to the top of an organization, a clutch sports performer, even a lady killer.” (Ed)
- “...elevating how important it is to be compassionate and connected as men today.” (Ed)
- “I'm interested in justice and liberation from confining roles that our society puts on all of us.” (Traci)
- “It's borne out in the data that when men really adhere to those conventional beliefs very strictly, they don't live as long. They have worse health outcomes in general.” (Ed)
- “The single biggest factor for health and a long, happy life is friendships.” (Ed)
- “Men get this message at some point, especially in adolescence, that you’ve got to be the smartest guy in the room. And to be curious and ask questions is seen as weak, and we can't be weak. We smush out that curiosity.” (Ed)
- “We've been told to be courageous and we are often courageous in the physical realm, in the financial realm, but not necessarily the realm of feelings.” (Ed)
- “You can tell how hungry we are as men, as human beings for connection.” (Ed)
Connect:
Find | Sidewalk Talk
On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg
On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg
Find | Traci Ruble
On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT
On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT
On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT
Find | Ed Frauenheim
On LinkedIn: @edfrauenheim
SUBSCRIBE TO THIS PODCAST
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Thursday Mar 23, 2023
Thursday Mar 23, 2023
Dawn Menken, PhD. has been working in the field of psychology and facilitator development for over 35 years. She is an internationally respected educator, therapist, leadership coach, and conflict resolution specialist. She co-founded the Process Work Institute, a not-for-profit graduate school dedicated to the training of facilitators, where she co-created its Masters's programs and served as academic dean for more than a decade. She is the author of Facilitating a More Union: A Guide for Politicians and Leaders, which offers a radical and innovative approach to political discourse. She is also the author of the award-winning book Raising Parents Raising Kids: Hands-on Wisdom for the Next Generation. In all of her endeavors, she is moved to improve social discourse and inspire more meaningful civic engagement.
Join Traci and Dawn as they explore the foundations of process work and how it can help us shift out of polarization. Dawn reads the most beautiful speech she would give to the Charlottesville rioters. In this speech she overcomes her terror as a Jewish woman and models how we all can confront our addiction to “other” by speaking both ferociously and compassionately.
Episode Timeline
- [00:09] Intro
- [0:58] Meet Dawn
- [4:19] Professor Ben Thompson introduces Dawn to Arnold Mindell’s work during a class on the books of Carlos Castaneda about the Yaqui Mexican Indian Sorcerer, Don Juan Matus
- [9:29] What is the Dreambody?
- [11:47] Working On Body Symptoms
- [17:25] Norms or how we “should” be and busting out of stereotypes
- [21:11] The embodied unconscious
- [25:14] Otherizing and polarizing as a global human tendency
- [31:56] Dawn’s speech to the white nationalists in Charlottesville
- [36:09] Breaking our own addiction to othering people
- [43:32] Outro
Resources Mentioned
Facilitating a More Perfect Union (Book)
Raising Parents Raising Kids (Book)
Standout Quotes
- “...it's more about trying to explore what is emergent and trying to happen in you.” (Dawn)
- “I want to add the idea that we don't just have a platform and advocate for our one-sided views, but the facilitator or the leader must position herself also as a facilitator because you're not just leading one section of the world. We have to find a way to get along and to facilitate dialog.” (Dawn)
- “It's about the human tendency to otherize someone.” (Dawn)
- “This whole idea of otherizing is about how we also, as individuals, marginalize different parts of ourselves. Wholeness is really about connecting and getting on with that with which we marginalize internally, in our relationships, and in the world at large. (Dawn)
- “With all my years on this planet Earth, I am more interested in my larger goals of democracy and people getting along.” (Dawn)
- “...how to reach out to a side that you feel is so repulsive to you, and at the same time, take a stand. How to do both at the same time.” (Dawn)
- “I want to tell those protesters that deep down you have more in common with those whom you battle. You're looking for your place, that precious feeling of belonging and pride. (Dawn)
- It is the deepest human longing for all people who risk everything and flee violent circumstances to reside in these United States of America. There is room enough for all of us. (Dawn)
- We all need to feel our pride and sense of home without denigrating others. It is the only way forward. Feel pride in your vision to live in a country that insists on freedom and belonging for all people. (Dawn)
- Being one-sided is very addictive.
- If you have a humanistic view, if you have a view of people and community, the deepest religions talk about that. If you want to connect, if you want to understand and get along, then you have to go beyond your one-sided position. (Dawn)
Connect:
Find | Sidewalk Talk
On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg
On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg
Find | Traci Ruble
On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT
On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT
On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT
Find | Dr. Dawn Menken
On Instagram: @processworkinstitute
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Friday Mar 17, 2023
Friday Mar 17, 2023
Rosa supports leaders and groups around the world to work creatively with divergent perspectives. Her mission is developing our collective capacity to transform friction into useful energy and greater insight. Author of From Conflict to Creative Collaboration, a manual on Dynamic Facilitation. She also just finished her Ph.D. so soon we should say Dr. Rosa Zubizaretta. This has freed up her time to take on new clients after some time steeped in academia.
What would happen if helping a neighbor with a conflict was as normal as waking up in the morning? What if our companies had an ethos that conflict is not only natural but good and has a hearty system for restoring after conflict? That is what Traci and Rosa discuss as well as why we need to not start with our most difficult political rivals but make resolving conflict with those close to us our first order of business.
Episode Timeline
- [00:09] Intro
- [1:41] Meet Rosa
- [3:21] Rosa’s contribution to the Sidewalk Talk Bus Tour
- [5:23] German and European ties
- [7:16] We need each other
- [8:51] De shame yourself
- [11:42] Common causes of conflict
- [15:43] How conflict is in heaven
- [18:56] Dominic Barter’s restorative circles
- [25:40] Start where it is easy
- [33:30] Love wrestling with your husband
- [38:08] Passionate conflict is an energy turbine
- [41:32] The roots of violence
- [46:18] Closing
- [48:35] Outro
Resources Mentioned
From Conflict to Creative Collaboration (Book)
Standout Quotes
- “I just want to start with the fact that as human beings, we get into messes with each other” (Rosa)
- “Anybody can learn how to hold space productively for another person and listen deeply.” (Rosa)
- “If the 99 % could figure out how to do collaboration between us, we'd be so F* strong,” (Rosa)
- “But we grew up in a culture where we do not learn how to confront people with love. ” (Rosa)
- “Conflict happens when we're at our edge. It's like, there's an edge there. There's something that I don't know or understand yet, or something's getting triggered or something. And so it's a potential growth place. ” (Rosa)
- “I think conflict is a potentially renewable, sustainable source of energy ” (Rosa)
- “We just have to open the space so that we are not butt heads against each other, but that that passion gets harnessed.” (Rosa)
Connect
Find | Sidewalk Talk
On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg
On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg
Find | Traci Ruble
On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT
On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT
On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT
Find | Rosa Zubizarreta
On LinkedIn: @rosazubizarreta
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Wednesday Mar 08, 2023
Wednesday Mar 08, 2023
Julio Maria Muhorro is a power coach, facilitator, and speaker. He uses his 10 years of experience in management, training, and research to enable entrepreneurs, leaders, and organizations to tap into their power so that they can engage with their stakeholders from a place of deep purpose, sharpen their offerings to deliver innovative services and digital products and tell transformational stories to drive long-lasting social and economic impact.
Join Traci in a conversation with Julio where Traci asks Julio, “How can I use my power wisely?” Julio will lay out three concrete steps you will need to take and give you a heads-up on the significant resistance you will likely meet. This is a podcast where you will likely want something to take notes with nearby.
Episode Timeline
- [00:09] Intro
- [2:58] Meet Julio
- [3:48] It isn’t about wealth and achievement
- [6:57] Saudade - Portuguese word to long to be with
- [11:16] It’s what you do with your power that counts
- [13:01] The will of nature and the will of the divine trumps human will
- [16:08] Three steps to using your power
- [25:54] Powerful on the sidewalk
- [29:55] Sharing your power with the right people
- [34:15] Boundaries and what is sacred
- [40:30] Closing
- [42:42] Outro
Resources Mentioned
Never Been Done Before Global Facilitator’s Community
Standout Quotes
- “Power is tricky because we are real shitheads with power.” (Traci)
- “Power is not something that it can be given or taken from you because you are powerful because you exist.” (Julio)
- “...remember, you're not controlling your life. You are leading the co-creation of it.” (Julio)
- “A lot of the times there is a disassociation between what people are saying about you and how you see yourself.” (Julio)
- “We show up today not based on our performance and results that we achieved in the past, but based on what we believe is possible in the future.” (Julio)
- “It's getting in alignment with all the different wills, the human will, the natural will, and the divine will to choose the right people to be in this virtuous circle with.” (Traci)
- “What will it take for you to live in power now? Not to rest in power, not to have a powerful moment or a powerful day tomorrow, but to live in power now.” (Julio)
- “If you're not able to see the sacredness in you, everything else will fall apart. Because even if people are trying to honor that sacredness, you don't feel as though you deserve it. So you will sabotage it, you will deflect it.” (Julio)
Connect:
Find | Sidewalk Talk
On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg
On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg
Find | Traci Ruble
On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT
On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT
On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT
Find | Julio Maria Muhorro
At Link Tree
On Instagram: @liveinpowernow
On LinkedIn: @juliomuhorro
On TikTokr: @liveinpowernow
SUBSCRIBE TO THIS PODCAST
On Spotify
On YouTube